In 2003, just days before K, j, and I were to leave for a two week trip to Africa, Julian developed a red bump and some swelling near one of his eyes. We rushed him to his pediatrician who took one look and diagnosed it as “Bug Bite”. A little Bacitracin and it went away in a few days. I was so relieved that it wasn’t something more serious that could interrupt our plans.
I think of this episode often as I prepare to walk the Camino. Every little ache or pain or doubt is analyzed as a possible show stopper.
Earlier this evening, I got up from a chair after watching 45 minutes of a movie with Kathy. After a few steps, my left hip felt stiff and sore. Did I overwork my exercise today? Have I overdone it lately? It is new and odd, is it serious?
I just woke up from a dream (it’s 1:22am right now) in which I was about to leave on a big trip. It was not the Camino exactly as I was to ride to the airport with a bunch of fellow travellers, possibly Peace Corps volunteers. The van was waiting for me in the driveway. I went into the house and realized that A) I had lost my fully packed backpack, it was on its way to some other destination by some strange error on my part and B) I had in my posession someone else’s fully packed backpack.
I decided to take the other person’s backpack and just stuff in a few of my own clothes. I brought it into the kitchen and began unzipping pockets and trying to pull heavy bulky things out to make room for my own clothes. Whoever had packed this backpack was apparently preparing to teach classes or wanted to bring their own library with them as it had lots of heavy books.
I kept trying to pull the books out but I couldn’t grip them. I’d reach for them but then my fingers and thumb just closed on themselves and I came away empty handed. Kathy was hovering in the background, trying to give reassuring sounds but was otherwise helpless. I kept asking her in desperation “Why can’t I grab these books?” I knew the driver of the van was getting impatient and needed to leave.
Finally I woke up filled with tension and thankful it was just a dream.
I have just 13 days left until Kathy drives me to the airport. One part of me says “This is the most independent and risky endeavor I have ever pursued.” Another part of me says “240 thousand people will take on some route of the Camino this year. There will be a couple thousand somewhere on the 800km Frances route at the same time I am walking on it. This is not like trying to find the North Pole in the 19th century.”
I read the Camino Forum everyday, partly to just make the trip seem mundane. Some of the posts are from people who are out there right now. The worst news I read about involves social issues, loneliness and various forms of homesickness.
I also read posts by people who are for one reason or another cancelling their planned Camino altogether. Mostly due to health issues that crop up at the last minute.
I’m aware of pre-trip jitters and the impact these can have on one’s self confidence. I am determined to mentally prepare for an adventure and not become a victim of nervous regrets.
Some pilgrims will say, “Your Camino has already started.”
-jgp
